SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think Pogres advice is real good.

I admire your honesty Moonshot, it's good you are honest with yourself.

It's always a difficult situation to fear being alone.

I'm sort of in the same boat, I'm 40 and feel the same way. I have a fiancee who has cheated on me before, I'm trying to figure out if she still does.

A big part of what keeps me in the relationship, and trying to make it work is... at 40, will I ever be able to build something special again, with what we had? (We've been together for 8 years)

Thank you Sharkman,

You’re still doing the same thing. (I say this with love, you’re in a crappy enough position that even an anonymous internet poster shouldn’t be hitting you with 2x4s)

You’re explaining why she cheats, why the OM works for her, why her guilt pushes her there, why he needs her to be fun and sexy. None of that changes the facts. She is still fucking him, still planning a future with him, still using you as the safe place to land when he’s done with her for the night.

Stop analyzing her. Stop explaining her. Stop making her make sense.

I appreciate it, and your patient repetition of the main points is probably why I needed to come to a forum like this before handling the affair. I need to hear it, because I've spent a lifetime engaging in exactly those thought patterns. I'm an engineer. I want to diagnose and fix. This is not that situation.

The 180 advice is super useful. I need to take a deep breath because I am overwhelmed. I haven't eaten well in a week, and I'm visibly losing weight. Before reading 180, I probably would have been angry, self-righteous, and all the things it says not to be.

reidhbear - thank you for your encouragement. I feel your pain, as you know. I wish you all the best!