SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

At the recommendation of our MC, I'm supposed to tell my husband ways he can show me that he loves me that will help me believe him. Because he was going around flagrantly telling ppl "I Love You" with no real meaning behind it, I've struggle to be sure he means it when he says it to me. I pursued him in the beginning of our relationship and it's always been a little imbalanced in that I was 100% in a while before he was.

Right now, his ways of showing me love are:

- Morning Tea (which I reciprocate consistently)
- Little notes in the morning before he leaves for work
- Backrubs that aren't just for sex
- Physical affection

He's not a grand gestures kind of guy, but has made efforts since all of this has hit. I had one moment where I felt he was being truthful and authentic, and I told him later that made me feel like he meant it, but that's only once. I wish he'd talk more on how he sees our love story, even with it's slightly torn and burned edges.

All this to say, I am hoping for examples of how you all give or receive love. How do you know your partner loves you?

I don't know how long ago your d day was, but the short answer is consistent behavior over time. Betrayal trauma takes a lot of time to work through even under the most ideal conditions. Like, 2 to 5 years to recover and begin building real trust again.

A longer answer is, at least according to Gary Chapman, everyone has their own version of love languages.

Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner

Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner

Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them

Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner

Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner

You and he will have to figure out which of those, or which combination of those speaks to you the most. Like I said, that's according to one author. I've seen it repeated by others and it makes some sense to me. Once he figures out your love language then he can start putting into practice. Over time, trust and feeling loved could be restored. The biggest thing you need, I think, is just time. Lots of consistency over time.

Your thread topic really speaks to me, and I in fact had this conversation with my wife this morning. She said those words to her AP as well, and I told her that saying it to me now has kinda lost its shine. Its specialness. We didn't have much time this morning so I may pick that thread back up later this afternoon when we have more time to dig into it. I totally get what you're saying, tho.

[This message edited by Pogre at 7:28 PM, Tuesday, June 30th]