SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I need some IT help to see if my wife is cheating on me. Or let’s say ‘crossing a line’.

She’s heading out the first week in March to a conference. Normally I can go if I choose and will make it a remote working time in a hotel. This time she has adamantly refused me to go. She tells me not to show up to take her to lunch or dinner…. And I don’t get a satisfactory answer as to why. None of her writing friends will be there, but I do know she will be attending a week-long conference.

I have access to her email (which I never use, but will a few weeks surrounding the conference) and now want to access her texts. We both use Google Messaging. I know there’s a way to pair our phones together. But can it be done for me to receive her texts and hers not mine?

What I need to do has to be free. She gets alerts for every penny that comes out of our accounts (due to a bank issue years ago).

I appreciate any help I can get.

Thank You

Well:

She’s heading out the first week in March to a conference. Normally I can go if I choose and will make it a remote working time in a hotel. This time she has adamantly refused me to go. She tells me not to show up to take her to lunch or dinner…. And I don’t get a satisfactory answer as to why. None of her writing friends will be there, but I do know she will be attending a week-long conference.

How many red flags do you need to see that something is amiss?

As a person who has somehow endured 45 years of living with a "type A" woman - I would put this, if it came from My Wife, as a desire to pursue life forward on separate pathways.

I would tell her "Wish Granted" and plot a voyage forward on an different windjammer.

[This message edited by Hippo16 at 4:26 AM, Saturday, February 7th]

I don't have any technical proficiency that would help you. I just wanted to say I've read most of your comments on various threads and always appreciated your contributions through the years. I hope and pray there's a reasonable explanation for her behavior.

Confront her instead of spying.
With strength.

NO cheater can stand it, they have a character flaw, low self worth, a weakness.

Stand tall, calm voice, stillness, peace.

Look her in the eye.

Voice your gut feeling. Calmly. Pause.

"All my instinct tell me that you are involved with another man. Your version of the story has flaws and is inconsistent. You are lying to me. This is not ok. Instead of working out your issues with me you are with another man. You hurt me deeper than you ever could. There are consequences to this. You want to keep me away to see and have sex with your Affair Partner on this meeting. I can see that. I will see a Lawyer. Understand that this is all on you."

Do the 180. Hard.

Do it now!

When your gut feelings tells you she is cheating, she is cheating. Whether she had sex already or she is planning to now is irrelevant.

Trust me, you feel the need to confirm it and you are doing the espionage route, stealthy, and I understand why, but is pathetic, she does not respect that. You will not respect that.

Act with Strength.

- She will deny
- She will lie
- She will gaslight you

This is all standard cheater bs

- You don't take any bullshit
- Highlight the inconsistencies
- Demand full access to all her applications, right now as you talk, if she denies that. She will say no. That is the proof you want. (or not if she is truly innocent, but she is not)

No woman or man who is a betrayer can withstand true Strength.
He words will lie but her body language and voice will break the truth.

Do not be afraid, you are correct, she cheated and she had or is about to have sex with another man.
This should enrage you.
Turn this rage into energy for calm, confidence, peace. That is strength.

She will fold, her eyes will tell the story, the rest will follow.

You do the 180 now, move on already with your life as the relationship is over.
That's the only thing that works.

Right now is to protect yourself.

And trust me read what I wrote. Read it again, find your shattered pride, fuel it with anger, transform it into calm, your pride is there. Do it and your voice will not shake.

The true strength of a man or a woman is the only real asset that truly matters.

In the off chance she is faithful she will come clean immediately and she will work on the issues that made her look like cheating. But do not count on it, we both know she is betraying you.

In any case she will have a complete new respect for you, which is the base for loyalty and attraction in a relationship.
Ans is the thing that destroys a cheater, a BS true strength is the mirror they fear the most because they bear not to see the reflection of what they've done in there.

It works every time.