Isolated in a conservative community

Just really want to share my story because no one other then me and my WS know the full extent of everything and it’s eating me up.

I come from a conservative community and while I know i will have everyones support in this situation, i haven’t told anyone exactly what i know of the affair because it makes me sick to my stomach and i know how shocking it will be to people in my community. I just cant bring myself to talk about it even though i wish someone knew. Im sure one day i will share my story.

I was married for 8 years and its been 6 weeks since finding out about my husband’s 6 month his affair with a colleague. We have a daughter who is almost 4.

He lied to the other person and told them he was engaged and having issues in his relationship and it was ending. He took her interstate and slept with her. He told me he was going to watch a sports match. During this trip he called me and said he missed me and our daughter. He asked me to pick him up from the airport and got into my car and acted like everything was fine. How can someone do that?

As their affair progressed he told the other person that he was living at his mums and we were separating. This was not true. We were very much together and even had sex. He met the other womens mum and apparently told her there was no feelings for me and we were over. At home he was acting like everything was fine and even made plans for the future.

When i found out, he was trying to cover up the full extent of the affair. He said it was just emotional but I knew something more was there. I took her number from his phone without him realising and called her. She told me they had sex countless times and even sent me the screenshots. He admitted himself that he slept with her 7 times. Some of those times was after work. When i would call him to ask where he was, he would say with friends. It makes me sick that someone can do that to their family on multiple occasions.

When everything came out about the affair, he told me the most messed up things. He said after a while he started to get sick of her, but he kept her around because he liked the validation. He told me that during sex, he felt like he could disrespect her and it didnt matter. He said he felt like he could try things out he saw in porn when he was younger, but didnt feel like he could disrespect me like that. Ill take that as the only compliment in this situation.

I saw that he emailed her soon after i found out and said im he used her and wanted to work on his marriage.

For 4 weeks he was remorseful but then i saw a shift. He started blaming me for failing in our marriage when i know he was the biggest failure in it.

I feel so physically sick that this was the person i was married to, that i have a child with. I feel affraid of them. I am so confused about how i was married to him and that he is capable of treating people like this.

0 comment posted: Saturday, February 7th, 2026

Now he doesn’t want to try

Hi everyone, its been 5 weeks since i found out my husband of 8 years had an affair with a colleague. It’s literally the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life. For the first 6 weeks, he was begging for forgiveness and i could see the remorse. He signed up for individual therapy himself and after reading some positive stories of reconciliation i thought i would try. So i said if he wants to go to couples therapy i need these conditions met which includes passwords to everything, and a long term solution for work. That freaked him out. My mum also text him if he cant change then dont waste my time. I would describe him as a dissmissive avoidant and any pressure makes him crack. So after 2 weeks of back and forth, and him saying i dont know if i can do these things, or be this person, i said "okay dont worry about the list, i was in fight or flight and lets just go to therapy." Then he starts saying, " i dont want to, im not ready for marriage and im not going to be ready anytime soon". He said i should never have kicked him out because it made him too comfortable with the idea of being alone. I was shocked. I kept saying how are you so prepared to give up when we haven’t even tried. And he said i would be fighting for this alone and he wasn’t happy in the marriage. It feels like i have been crushed 5 times over. Its been 3 days since that conversation and i have started no contact with him. Its really emotionally hard. We have a 4 year old and it pains me when he comes to get her. It also pains me that he gave up on her having a family without even trying. Im just leaving it as is at the moment and focusing on myself. I dont know if over time he will come around or not. Im planning for thr worst just incase. Has anyone been in this position?

17 comments posted: Wednesday, February 4th, 2026