Affair Fog & Destructive Behaviour

I don’t really know where to start….my wife had a very difficult childhood with a whole heap of trauma.

About 8 years ago she started a mini affair meeting the chap over a couple of months and it took over her life and she was a completely different person. When I caught her out we went through a bad couple of weeks where she was insistent that it is over. Then literally she completely snapped out of it - it was surreal. we slowly managed to rebuild. She did the usual minimising and we were just friends etc etc.
Just before this her father was giving her a torrid time and called her fat and other such stuff.

It was no excuse but I really wanted to try and rebuild and move forward.

Fast forward and we have built a really successful life and generally pretty good.
She suffered from panic attacks in the summer while abroad in Florida and I suggested we did some couples therapy to see if there was anything we could do to help as she tried other methods previously.

Our new therapist I think was crap and basically opened Pandora’s box without realising.

At this point, over the last few weeks, she has basically done exactly the same as eight years ago. Attached herself to a chap she really doesn’t match.
She led me quite quickly to find out and now she is doing the same play book of saying she wants it to end.

She is quite clearly in an affair fog and my sister who is a psychiatrist has said that she is not herself and has quite a few issues that she is ignoring.

She is saying it is not the same as last time but it really is.

Apologies for rambling and I might have missed bits.

I know everyone says ‘get divorced’ but it is complicated and to be honest I don’t want to.

I suppose how do I snap her out of the affair fog when she is wanting to end it, rather than me!?

4 comments posted: Tuesday, December 16th, 2025