SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Some of you might remember a while back that I was freaking out at having to attend a wedding where WX was supposed to officiate. I couldn't imagine sitting through that and not breaking down in front of everyone. This was back when I was still trying to reconcile with him.

Well, I'm happy to say that the wedding recently happened, and thanks to the divorce, I didn't have to be there! WX brought his new gf along, gave some long-winded speech about love and commitment, and I am SO GLAD I didn't have to sit through it with a forced pleasant expression and pretend to be happy around all my former in-laws.

Most of the people at the wedding don't know about his LTA, but ex-SIL and the groom certainly did. I still can't wrap my head around wanting your recently divorced, cheating brother to be the one to marry you, nor can I fathom the hypocrisy of being WX, expounding the virtues of love and commitment a week after his divorce was finalized. I suspect I will never understand - it's too far removed from the way my mind works.

This month, I'm unwinding a few more practical things (all the insurance policies). Daughter is graduating high school next year, and people keep asking if I'm feeling sad about her going away to college. The truth is, I'm kind of looking forward to it because it'll mean much lower contact with WX.

[This message edited by NoThanksForTheMemories at 6:40 PM, Tuesday, August 11th]

That is truly a baffling level of hypocrisy. But then again, it's par for the course.

Jesus, what a poor choice officiator.

'and next up we have a talk on family values by Josef Fritzl'

'and next up we have a talk on family values by Josef Fritzl'

Well… he did keep his family close and was a very proficient at DIY…

NTFTM
Use this event as a tool to reaffirm you are doing the right thing.
Imagine this scenario: A couple is getting married. For many it’s the happiest day of their lives. They imagine and are envisioning a life together for eternity. They have a vision of fidelity, union, coming as one… and then one day they realize that the person officiating their holy day is a hypocrite. Imagine how that might impact the memory and even the value of the special day for the couple. Any semi-decent person with a sense of self-worth and capable of empathy and compassion would have found some excuse to NOT take on this role, or – assuming he was honest with the couple – maybe based his speech on what he’s learned from his mistakes. Like… maybe be honest in a marriage.
It’s a bit like if someone cleared his throat and spat phlegm into the punch-bowl… Doesn’t invalid the marriage, but it can place the focus on the recollection and memories of the marriage to the wrong event.

So use this event to remind yourself how LUCKY you are to be rid of this man. How you can now work towards removing his ability to impact your world and life, and how you can work on becoming indifferent to what he does, is doing or might do.

You mention your daughter. Maybe set yourself a goal that when she grows up and maybe has an event like a graduation or even a marriage you can be there and share her joy irrespective of what your ex might be doing. Do a good job in raising her, and in coparenting, then her dad might be there too, but in a role as her father rather than some moral or spiritual guide.

So use this event to remind yourself how LUCKY you are to be rid of this man. How you can now work towards removing his ability to impact your world and life, and how you can work on becoming indifferent to what he does, is doing or might do.

Indeed, Bigger, with every passing day, I'm increasingly grateful to be rid of him. After some of his recent decisions, it's crystal clear to me that his decision making is still largely focused on his self-interests.

You mention your daughter. Maybe set yourself a goal that when she grows up and maybe has an event like a graduation or even a marriage you can be there and share her joy irrespective of what your ex might be doing. Do a good job in raising her, and in coparenting, then her dad might be there too, but in a role as her father rather than some moral or spiritual guide.

Certainly I can share in her joy. Her dad's role in her life is something I can't influence directly, so I'm doing my best to lead by example. Daughter was at her aunt's wedding and witnessed her dad's officiating duties. I haven't had a chance to ask her what she thought about it, but I'm also doing my best to respect her wishes to "not be put in the middle" of me and WX, so I have to remain as neutral as possible when I do ask.

I admit that it's sometimes hard to see no expression of anger from her at WX's infidelity. She was shocked by it and thinks I am justified in divorcing him, so perhaps that's enough. She generally has a pretty good head on her shoulders, but I worry sometimes about WX's influence on her. She's almost 18, though, and almost done with high school. She wants to move away for college. I feel like there's not much I can do other than conduct myself with dignity and hope that she makes good choices.

Happy to hear you didn't have to go to the wedding. I wonder if the WX felt weird about giving that speech. Wishing you the best